OK I texted my mom today.The conversation went like so-
Me: "Guess what."
Mom: "What?"
Me: "We decided to have a baby"
Mom: "How?"
So after this question I'm thinking 'Well the egg drops down and the sperm race to the egg to see who gets there first......' Really? Why would you ask me that. Anyway, I politely responded because I don't want to be sarcastic and make it worse. Just in case.
Me: "My friend is donating sperm."
Mom: "Hope you check his life background. Anyway who carry baby?"
(Keep in mind my mother's grammar sucks and I'm posting exactly what was said."
Me: "Of course. He's making an appointment to get tested for any STD or genetic complications. He already has a kid and she's healthy.
I am bc I have insurance and I already saw the doctor and they told me I was healthy."
Mom: "Just checking."
Me: "We did a lot of research and asked a lot of questions. We're really excited about it but we're not gonna be dumb about it."
Mom: "It is ur life I will always love u and baby.
OK beware of ur family. Even dad. He not going to like it cuz there is no father role for a child. U already know how I feel. I don't need to tell u.
I know you and Amity will be good mothers.
How many kid u plan twin?"
Me: "Mom you can't plan twins. For now just 1 kid."
Mom: "OK good luck. When will that happen?"
Me: "Were gonna start trying in June."
Lot of convo in between but I won't bore you with that. Anyway, my thing is with my dad having a problem with it, and my mom shares the same concerns, about no father figure. Warning foul language afoot.
WHAT THE FUCK. How is that a valid reason for you to be upset with us having a child because there is no father figure? How is that justified? I'm sorry but my father was there but he wasn't really a role model. There are many single mothers out there working their asses off to provide and be there for their children and those kids come out ok. How about the single fathers with no mothers? Those kids come out alright too. But then there are kids with both parents in their lives who come just as fucked up as the next kid. It doesn't matter who is in the child's life it matters how the child is raised. And if people are so Goddamn concern about having a good male role model our kid will have plenty. There's Uncle Gary, Uncle Jerod, Uncle Josh, Uncle Bryan, cousin Jesus, and whoever else has a penis that's in our lives.
I'm just saying that I guess I don't understand why it's such a big deal to them that there be a father figure in the picture. This kid is gonna be so loved and so spoiled that it's gonna have a happy fulfilled life, no matter who it's parents are.
So my mom goes on to say that she's not gonna tell anyone else. She said "I want to thank you for share with me. I love you so much."
I told her that I wanted to share with her bc I wanted her to be involved. She is my mother after all it's only right. Then I shared with her my feelings of telling Nannan about how she told me that if I were to have kids she would cut me out of her life and that seriously killed me when she said that. I love my grandparents. They were always there. A major part of my life. If I were ever in a jam they were right there to help me out when my mom couldn't. And anyone who knows my grandparents knows how great they are. So it makes me sad thinking that they would cut me out of their lives and that's why Amity is so concern about me saying anything to them.
This is what my mom said about it-
Mom: "She might but she get over it. Same for dad. As I say be aware of family. U will be sad for a while too bc of Nannan and dad. we all will love baby and always always love you."
So that was it. It started out a little shaky but it slowly got better. I'll always know how she truly feels but I think once we do have the baby and she gets to spoil it I think she'll slowly change her mind. As far as everyone else is concerned I dunno.... But the person who needed to know now does and I feel a lot better now that she does. Like a small amount of the weight on my shoulders have been lifted.
Thanks to everyone for their comments, advice, and concerns. It really helped in making my brave attempt in taking that first step of telling my parents.
I'm proud of you for being so brave! It takes a big person to face the fears they have wether they're big or small. I'm sending a big hug your way.......hhhhhhuuuuuuuuggggggg
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your mom knows now. Family is tricky when it comes to this stuff. It seems Mormons are especially so. But you're going to be an amazing mother, and honestly you can have two Mormon parents- and have it still be a fucked up childhood with drugs/abuse and drama up the ass. Everyone will come around and if not, that sucks, but you will have a child to love more than anything else.
ReplyDeleteIt'll be ok girl, just remember you'll always have family behind you even if it isn't by blood. You guys will be great parents and everyone will see that and know you did the right thing :) love ya girl!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you told her, and that it seemed to turn out reasonably well. I know you're worried about the rest of your family and how they'll react, but like others have said, I think when there's an actual baby there for them to love and spoil, they'll change their minds. I can't say for sure, since I'm not in their position, but I would imagine that clinging to an illogical belief would become a lot harder with a cute little baby sitting in front of them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you really hit the nail on the head about all the male role models your kid will have. A lot of people seem to get tunnel vision and feel like if there isn't a solid mother-figure and father-figure a kid will be SOL, but they don't ever seem to think about the crowd of other people who will be involved in their life. Your kid is going to be just fine, because so many people love you guys and, therefore, will love your kiddos.